ANDIZ TESPİH Juniper Prayer Beads

ANDIZ TESPİH

Kokusunu içine çek, rahatla, beni hatırla dedi 
arkadaşım elime andız tespihi tutuştururken 
Onu burnuma götürmek bir anlık yolculuk 
Andız ağacı tohumu nasıl cömert
Kırmızı şarabın tanelenmiş hali gibi 
içinden parlak ve kıvamlı 
Parmaklarımın arasından aktıkça 
rayihasını bırakıyor peşi sıra
Eski zaman kilise kokusu bu 
Bir nevi buhurdanlık
 
İki Cizvit rahip beliriyor ben taneleri okşadıkça 
Gonca güllü cam vazo, Meryem Ana sunağı 
melek bibloları, sonra kan çok kan
çünkü rahipler itina ile öldürülür ülkemde 
Katil “ahlâksız teklifte bulundu” der
Hep on sekizinden gün almamıştır 
ben bir günde birkaç yaş büyüdükçe
 
Andız ağacı tohumu nasıl sert 
Dökülen kanın tanelenmiş hali gibi 
oluk ılık oluk ılık
aktıkça parmaklarımın arasından 
gözüm kararıyor gitgide
Hep yürütürler seni zaten
hep asla varamayacağın bir yere 
menzilsiz istikamete
 
Sonrası mı sonrası yok
sonrası mezarsız ölüm
tırın arkasında ya da yolcu teknesinde 
yığılı malmışçasına üstüste bindirilen 
yeni bir hayat diye en eski ölümü ölen 
göçmenler gibi
 
Sonrası mı sonrası yok
Sonrası istatistik sonrası flaş haber 
Andız tespihe sığmaz devlet elli ölümler
 

Juniper Prayer Beads

Inhale their smell, relax, remember me 
said my friend pushing the prayer beads into my hand
Lifting them to my nose is a moment’s journey
How generous the seed of the juniper tree
Like red wine dried to grains
bright and full-bodied from within
Pouring through my fingers 
they leave behind their lovely scent 
This is the fragrance of the ancient church
incense trailing from a censer
 
As I stroke the beads two Jesuit priests appear 
Glass vase with rose buds, Mother Mary’s altar
angel trinkets, then blood so much blood
because priests are killed with care in my country
The murderer would say “it was an immoral promise that he spread”
He wasn’t yet eighteen
while I age years in a single day
 
How hard the seed of the juniper tree
Like spilled blood dried to grains
lukewarm gutter lukewarm gutter 
pouring through my fingers
Eyes dimming I stagger more and more 
Still they make you walk 
always towards a place you will never reach
a destination without respite
 
As for after well there is no after
after is a graveless death
in the back of a truck or a passenger boat
stacked like goods piled on top of other goods
like migrants
dying the oldest of deaths as if it were a new life 
 
As for after well there is no after
After is a statistic after is breaking news
Murder at the hands of the state prayer beads can’t contain 
 

Juniper Prayer Beads

Inhale its smell, relax, remember me said
my friend pushing the prayer beads into my hand
Bringing it to my nose is one moment’s journey
How generous is the Juniper tree’s seed
Like the granulated version of red wine
bright and full-bodied from inside
Through my fingers as it is pouring 
it leaves its beautiful scent behind
This is the scent of an ancient church
A kind of censer/incense-burner
 
Two Jesuit priests appear as I caress the beads
Rose buds glass vase, Mother Mary’s altar
angel trinkets, then blood a lot of blood
because the priests are killed with care in my country
The killer would say “he made an immoral proposal”
He wasn’t yet eighteen
as I grow a few years in one day
 
How hard/firm is the Juniper tree’s seed 
Like the granulated version of pouring blood
lukewarm gutter lukewarm gutter 
as it is pouring through my fingers
I was blacking out/I was more and more staggering 
They always make you walk anyway
always towards a place you cannot reach
to an out-of-range destination
 
What about afterwards well there is no afterwards
afterwards is a graveless death
behind a truck or on a passenger boat
stacked like goods piled up on top of each other
like migrants
dying the oldest death like it is a new life 
 
What about afterwards well there is no afterwards
Aftewards are statistics afterwards is breaking news
State fatalities don’t fit into the prayer beads
 

Notes:

Andiz Tesbih = Prayer Beads made of Juniper tree seeds

Rayiha is an archaic word in Turkish, it has Arabic etymology, and it means “beautiful scent”. The sound “ra-yi-haaa” is truly beautiful.

“How generous is the Juniper tree’s seed” “How hard is the Juniper tree’s seed” could also be: The Juniper tree’s seed is so generous; The Juniper tree’s seed is so hard. While in Turkish, she uses the singular, a plural use in English may capture the feeling too.

Katil = killer, murderer, slayer, assassin…

oluk ılık oluk ılık: Several things are happening here: the sound and rhythm “ik, uk” a word play: the phrase “oluk oluk” means “quite a lot” in Turkish oluk means gutter, ılık means lukewarm, in Turkish something can also pour like “oluk” (oluk gibi akmak) – for example money: which means “come abundantly and abruptly”

Menzil can have several meanings, I have translated menzilsiz (without menzil) as out of range, but here are several possible meanings: A place to stop to rest during a trip (a mansion for example) The distance between two mansions/resting place, A one day journey

malmışçasına is one of those words made possible with agglutination: mal = goods mışçasına = as if

yığılı = stacked, üstüste bindirilen = stacked on top of each other – so here, she repeats the idea of stacked goods but highlighting with the verb “bindirmek” which means “being piled up”.

Sonrası means afterwards, but can also be post- , after, sequel, “what comes after”

devlet elli ölümler = state fatalities but literally: “those who die by the State’s hands”, so she basically says, those that the State murdered. Here it is important to know about Hrant Dink, an Armenian journalist – also a friend of Karin’s – who was murdered.

Original Poem by

Karin Karakaslı

Translated by

Canan Marasligil with Sarah Howe Language

Turkish

Country

Turkey