Catatan Seusai Nonton HBO di Kamar Hotel Notes after Watching HBO in a Hotel Room

Catatan Seusai Nonton HBO di Kamar Hotel

Lempar buka itu daun kaca dan izinkan
            kumenyeruput siungan cuaca
begitu liar & kelam, bersentuh gemuruh
berjaya & bergeliat
seraya saya mati.
 
Silah duduk di sampingku
dan cekau jantungku
yang teguh melirik selamat tinggal
atas lega yang ditawarkannya.
 
Kutelah memijak bumi
menyelami cakrawala
melecup di dalam seluruh ketakziman ber-ada
sambil dicungkup bahan-bahan mati
seraya yang dibiarkan hidup
 
cuma kepala.
 
Ternyata
tunduk di dalam kepengecutan jauh
lebih menawan.
 
Tidak lagi ingin kuberbakti
sebagai diri
keberadaan mana
kupandang bukan lagi diri
ku
dan ini --
kuserahkan taruhan
tak sedikit pun dengan sikap tegar.
 
Ingin kumenyelinap pergi
sesuai syarat yang kusyaratkan
sendiri.
 

Notes after Watching HBO in a Hotel Room

Throw open that leaf of glass and let
            me slurp the weather’s teeth
so wild & dark, thunderous touching
triumphant & writhing
as I die.
 
Pray sit beside me
and grasp my heart
that can’t stop glancing at goodbye
for the relief it proffers.
 
I have stepped on the earth
dived into the horizon
melted in all the hatred of existing
while enclosed in dead materials
whilst all that is allowed to live
is the head
 
It turns out
bowing in cowardice is much
more charming.
 
No longer do I want to provide service
as self,
an existence where
what I see is no longer this self
of mine,
so here –
I hand over my stake
without the slightest pretence of toughness.
 
I want to sneak away
according to terms I determine
myself.
 

Hotel Luwansa, 17th December, 2017

 
 

Notes after Watching HBO in a Hotel Room

Throw open that leaf of glass and let
           me slurp cloves/tusks of weather
so wild and dark, touching thunderously
triumphant & writhing
as I die.
 
Please sit beside me
and grab my heart
that firmly glances at goodbye
for the relief it offers.
 
I have stepped on the earth
dived in the horizon
melted in all the hatred of existing
while being enclosed in dead materials
while what is allowed to live
is only the head.
 
It turns out
bowing in cowardice is much
more charming.
 
No longer do I want to provide service
as self
of existence when
what I see is no longer the self
of mine
and this —
 
I hand over a bet
without the slightest attitude of toughness.
 
I want to slip away and go
according to the terms that I determine
myself.
 

Debra Yatim is known as an activist and feminist as well as well as poet – the ‘fairy godmother’ of Indonesian feminist poetry, as our bridge translator Khairani Barokka explained. We had a brilliant session looking at this funny, fiery poem. So many of the lines are so arresting we decided we should make T-Shirts out of them (‘Melted in all the hatred of existing’ a particularly catchy phrase). There’s definitely some irony in the melodramatics of the speaker, who seems to have been driven to suicidal longings by an (unspecified) show on HBO, and diving into the horizon may sound profound but the Hotel Luwansa where the poem was written apparently has an infinity pool. On the other hand though there is genuine despair here – at the capitalist system; at the ways race and gender are represented in culture. There is an uneasiness about power dynamics – the hotel’s service and the ‘service as self’ the speaker is expected to provide.

There are lots of lines here that caused debate – did the weather have tusks, teeth or cloves? How could we recreate the slightly ‘high’ formal tone of the Indonesian in the second verse? (we went for ‘pray sit’ and ‘proffers’). What are the dead materials? Is it the body? Clothes? A shroud? (Admission: we didn’t decide). It was an absolute pleasure though to think about such a witty, nuanced writer for two hours, and this poem is definitely a frontrunner in the best-title competition this year.

– Clare Pollard, Poet-facilitator

Original Poem by

Debra Yatim

Translated by

Khairani Barokka with The Poetry Translation Workshop Language

Indonesian

Country

Indonesia